face masks and rampant self-interest

 

now I am not a religious person but what can I say; lord knows I tried. I went to the internet to get the latest from the greatest surgical minds of a generation. I looked up tutorials on YouTube to seek out the best methods. tying the knot in the elastic ear loop. the correct way to bend the metal nose wire. related videos on how to wash your eye glasses.

none of this works, dammit! my glasses keep fogging up and I can't breathe!

to pour salt in the wound I am standing at the rail crossing and two nurses from the John Fawkner hospital are standing nearby. one jumps in with a free, friendly piece of advice that I really didn't ask for.

"if you keep touching your mask, you know you will render it useless"

thanks for that. the final nail in my coffin of frustration. I am so over this.

off to lunch and a falafel from the Kebab Station to be devoured in the Victoria Street Mall

then - a vision. two women wearing face shields right in the center in front of the post office. I have to ask you, I would like to know, no, I MUST know where you got that face shield from.

"the chemist on Sydney Road. near the intersection on the Munro Street side"

$7. best $7 I ever spent. I can't wait so I put it on in the chemist right away. when I leave a police woman just happens to be out the front.

"am I allowed to wear one of these?"

"fill your boots"

so now I feel liberated - and legal.

a few things that feel odd about what I can only describe this feeling of liberation is that I feel kind of naked wearing a shield in a world where the majority of people are wearing masks.everyone has their bat costume on and you don't. people give you odd looks, which are hard to gauge because you can't see the entire face. blatant as it was, this woman comes up and just blurts it out - 

"are you allowed to wear one of those?"

to which I replied,

"no"

"hang around for about half an hour and you can watch me get arrested. I should get 50 lashes"

probably the only reservation I have about the shield is wearing them on a windy day, but that is a small price to pay for the ability to breathe - and see.

I am not on a commission here, but I purchased one for my sister that Saturday. A few days later, I got a text message the day she got it in the mail - 

"you dead set legend! you changed my life"

and thus, everything is good in the world.